The Friendship Dare

28 02 2012

Tuesday Re-mix - 

“Therefore go and make disciples of all nations…”  Matthew 28:19a

I can remember pretty vividly how I felt at the births of both my daughters.  Those feelings will no doubt stay in my memory long after the details of the events have left me.  In both cases, God made us wait until long after we thought we were ready.  So when they came, I was overjoyed and thrilled and excited and so very ready to be a daddy!  With Elizabeth, my older, I can still remember taking her little hand for the very first time in Seton Hospital in Austin.  I remember thinking, “What a huge responsibility this will be…I can’t wait to get started!”  I had an attitude of extreme gratitude for the opportunity God had given me and of sober responsibility for how much work nurturing this child would be.

What if we in the church had a similar attitude about new friendships? What if we saw each new friendship in our lives as a God-ordained friendship and treated it as if God had given us a responsibility for it?  What if we prayed expectantly for God to “birth” such new friendships in our lives and then jumped into them with both feet when He answered that prayer?  Oh, how that would change the church!

We in the evangelical world often talk about “just sharing the gospel” and leaving the results up to God.  I do think that is an important perspective.  There is our part in that process and there is God’s part, and it agree that it is important not to confuse the two.  But I also think that “just sharing and leaving the results up to God” lets us off the hook of the Great Commission.  Jesus did not say, “Therefore go and share the gospel with all nations…”.  He could have said that.  But He did not say that.  The task with which He charged us was, ”Therefore go and MAKE DISCIPLES…”  Isn’t that a taller order than just throwing seed out on the ground and walking away?  Isn’t the Great Commission more than just publishing a blog post containing the gospel and being done?

As a consultant to churches in the area of conflict and relationships in ministry, I have come to believe that the biggest challenge to unity in the body of Christ today is not the brokenness of relationships, it is the widespread lack of any relationships at all.  This is true not only at the global “body of Christ” level, but (even more troubling) at the level of the local church as well.  The reality is, if you are an average American church-goer, there are scores, maybe hundreds, maybe even thousands of people in your own church with whom you have no connection whatsoever.  Furthermore, if you are an average church-goer, you are not really even looking for new friendships in your life.  So when they do come, you likely miss the whole “this is my responsibility” opportunity.

Think about this.  For a revolution that is supposed to be all about relationships and forging new friendships, we in the church have gotten amazingly good at doing all the activities of church without having to mess with the responsibility of relationships.  There are, I am sure, a myriad of reasons for this.  Relationships are painful, they are messy, they require too much vulnerability, too much time and energy, they are inefficient and they are unpredictable.  If there is a way to do all the activities of a busy church and keep relationships–especially new relationships–at a minimum, we will do it.  And we have done it.  And we have done it pretty well.

But that is not what Jesus did.  That is not what He modeled for us.  As I read the gospels, it appears to me that He spent virtually every waking hour either in prayer or investing in relationships.  Every day, every night, walking among people and making new friends.  He woke up each day hoping and expecting that God would “birth” new friendships in His life that day.  And then He nurtured those friendships and grew them, at least as much as they would permit.

So here is a dare for you this week: I dare you to pray for a new friendship in your life, either at work or at school or at church or at your bowling league or your yoga class or somewhere else in your week…and when God brings you that friendship, I dare you to treat it as a newborn baby and, with gratitude in your heart, begin to nurture it and grow it and marvel at how God uses it.  And then I dare you to do it again next week.  And again the week after that.

Go ahead.  I dare you to actually become the church He intended us to be.  Watch what happens!

© Blake Coffee
Permissions: You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this material in any format provided that you do not alter the wording in any way and do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction. For web posting, a link to this document on this website is preferred. Any exceptions to the above must be approved by Blake Coffee.  Please include the following statement on any distributed copy: © Blake Coffee. Website: churchwhisperer.com




Truth, Knowledge, and the Arrogance with Which We Hold Them

21 02 2012

Tuesday Re-mix - 

Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. I Corinthians 13:12

I have no idea what mirrors looked like back when Paul wrote these words to the church in Corinth. But I’m certain they weren’t as good then as they are now. I rather suspect that the image in the reflection was pretty poor, maybe like looking at your reflection on the back of a silver spoon. However their mirrors worked then, one thing is clear: Paul is telling us that our state of “knowing” spiritual things is pretty poor on this side of Heaven.

For me, this is a truth which keeps me humble, especially when I am discussing theology or scriptural interpretations or even more general matters of God. Whatever it is I think I know, however certain I think I am, I must hold even that certainty with a healthy dose of humility. And when I lose that humility, I lose my ability to influence those who might disagree with me.

I sometimes think that we in the evangelical church have convinced ourselves that our job is to persuade. We act as though the gospel, despite its inherent power, somehow needs our polished communication skills and persuasive abilities in order to carry the day. We act as though it is our responsibility to appear so certain in our beliefs that even the strongest atheist will fall to his knees and surrender to God as a result of our argumentative prowess.

In that instance, then, humility is seen as weakness. Humility does not win arguments, and it does not crush your opponent with unassailable logic. Humility in my understanding of God will never sweep anyone off their feet as a result of my presentation. So, as long as it is up to me to persuade people to follow Christ, I really cannot afford to sound anything other than absolutely certain in my position. There is no room for humility, or even gentleness, for that matter.

But the irony is, the very source of all the truth tells me that, for now, I see only as through a poor reflection in a very old mirror. So when I “preach” at people with all that certainty and unswerving pride, not only do I come across to them as arrogant, but I betray my own “truth” by acting as though I see perfectly clearly, thank you very much.

Please don’t misunderstand me here. I am not saying that nothing is knowable, that we cannot be truly certain of anything at all. I am just saying that, even in our certainty, there must be humility…there must be a level of lowliness as opposed to a haughtiness and a need to persuade.

Believe me when I say this…the gospel does not need my persuasive abilities or your polished presentation. It never has. But what WILL make a difference is a people so filled with God’s Spirit that their humility is astounding to everyone around them. That humility, coupled with the truth of the gospel, will change this world.

© Blake Coffee
Permissions: You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this material in any format provided that you do not alter the wording in any way and do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction. For web posting, a link to this document on this website is preferred. Any exceptions to the above must be approved by Blake Coffee.  Please include the following statement on any distributed copy: © Blake Coffee. Website: churchwhisperer.com




Belonging, Believing and Being a Boomer

15 11 2011

Tuesday Re-mix -

I grow tropical plants in my backyard, specifically, plumeria and some hybiscus.  It is one of the wonderful “perks” of marrying into a Hawaiian family.  Mind you, I am no master gardner, which makes plumeria the perfect plant for me.  I can break off a limb, stick it in the ground, nurture it for a year or so, and it will take root and bloom just like all the other ones around it.  I just have to have some patience while I wait for the roots to grow.  That is the key…patience.

Besides being a gardener, I am also unashamedly a Baby Boomer.  Pretty much all the observations I have heard sociologists make about my generation are true about me as well, at least in some degree.  I was shaped by a cultural mindset that said anything is possible, that I can make a difference in the world, and that a common vision is critical to any “revolution”.  For my generation, the way this all translates into church is this: what I “believe” is of first and highest importance…if we don’t all “believe” the same central truths, our “revolution” will fail.  For my generation (and, by the way, for the generations which came before me as well), BELIEF comes first, followed by BELONGING to the church.  For us, without belief, there is no belonging.

So it is with great fear and trembling that I turn to Generation X and then to the Millenials, two generations who will lead the church sooner than any of us realize, and I begin to embrace their very different values and priorities when it comes to church.  These generations hold connection and community as much higher values than we Baby Boomers have.  These generations may well come to respect the concept of a “regenerate church membership”, but they will otherwise radically blur the nice, bright lines we have drawn around categories of “belonging” to church.  They will do this because, deeply rooted in their generational culture is the need to belong.  In short, for them, BELONGING will come first, even before BELIEVING.

For them, gathered worship services will be filled with friends who have come for the BELONGING, but are still trying to work out exactly what they BELIEVE.  They won’t be “members” in our traditional sense of the word, but they will be friends with whom we are developing a growing relationship and whom we are nuturing and to whom we are ministering.  They will be very much like my plumeria sticks which “belong” in my garden a long time before they actually start blooming.

I admit that this scares me a little.  I admit that I will continue to talk a lot about the importance of doctrine and believing and authority and truth, etc.  I will continue insisting that truth is not negotiable and that scripture teaches us to respect authority.  But I also admit this…I’m going to learn a thing or two from these younger generations about how to love the non-believers around me and how to engage them in relationship SO THAT they can see Jesus in me.  I am going to learn to invite them to “belong”, i.e., to find community here, even as they are still working out their beliefs.  I am going to learn something about loving my neighbor and, as Jesus might say, figuring out exactly who my neighbor really is.  I am going to learn to do church a little differently, at least in this particular regard…

…and I am going to LOVE this change!

How about you?

© Blake Coffee
Permissions: You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this material in any format provided that you do not alter the wording in any way and do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction. For web posting, a link to this document on this website is preferred. Any exceptions to the above must be approved by Blake Coffee.  Please include the following statement on any distributed copy: © Blake Coffee. Website: churchwhisperer.com







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