The Fabric of Your Church

19 04 2011

Tuesday Re-mix -

Your church is not just comprised of people.  It is comprised of relationships among those people.  That’s an important distinction.  It is the difference between a pile of bricks and a building made with those bricks.  It is the difference between a jumbled wad of thread and a fabric woven with that thread.  It is not just the people who make up the church…it is the specific ways in which those people relate to one another that either make them a New Testament church or not.  More specifically, it is the Spirit of God living in those people and moving them into relationships with each other which make them a church.

I often describe the church as a fabric.  Each of us is a single thread in that fabric.  Every place my “thread” touches another “thread” is a relationship.  And all of those relationships, together, form my local congregation.

There are always things putting pressure on that fabric…weighty objects (“issues”) which God permits to fall into the fabric of your church.  Some of those issues are heavy and others are pretty light.  But when one of those issues tears the fabric, it is not just a function of the weight of the issue.  It is a function of the strength of the fabric. Churches which teach and practice Biblical interpersonal relationships constitute strong fabrics.  They can handle lots of challenges.  But churches who do not teach good relationships will eventually become littered with broken or damaged relationships, i.e., weak fabric.  And where the fabric is weak enough, it doesn’t take much to tear it wide open.

Another metaphor that works here is thinking of your “fabric” as a latex balloon.  When you inflate it and then hold it up to the light, you can actually see where the latex is thicker in some places and thinner in others.  As you begin to put more and more air into the balloon, you can actually predict where it will most likely burst first, because the latex is thin in those places.  Churches are the same.  Where there are no relationships in place (or where there are damaged relationships), that is where the break will happen first, just as soon as there is an issue to put pressure on those places.

For example, if there are no relationships between generations in your church (i.e., the older generation and the younger generation don’t mix much), then a generation-oriented issue (such as music in worship) could easily divide that church.  On the other hand, where those relationships are in place and are strong, that church will not be bothered much by that kind of issue.

My co-teacher in this ministry, Dr. Ann Farris, has a slightly different take on this “fabric of the church” metaphor.  She thinks of the church as a patchwork quilt, a “mosaic” of sorts, with each of us representing a unique element in that quilt but one which is necessarily connected to all the others.  Again, without the relationships, i.e., the connections between us, we are little more than a pile of cloth squares.  But as the Spirit of God joins us together and we learn our relationships with one another, we become a church.  I like this metaphor, because it reminds us that we each bring something unique to the table in the way of Spiritual gifts and preferences.  We each have a certain beauty which we add to the larger work, but we still must have strong relationships, strong connections to the others for all the reasons I mentioned above.

With either illustration, the point is clear.  The church is much more than just a collection of people.  It is the relationships among those people.  Those relationships will dictate the effectiveness of that church and its mission.  Is it any wonder, then, that Jesus’ prayer for us in John 17 was not just that many people would come to believe, but that those people would have unity with each other?

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”  John 13:34-35

© Blake Coffee
Permissions: You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this material in any format provided that you do not alter the wording in any way and do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction. For web posting, a link to this document on this website is preferred. Any exceptions to the above must be approved by Blake Coffee.  Please include the following statement on any distributed copy: © Blake Coffee. Website: churchwhisperer.com




Bridging the Generation Gap

11 11 2010

So much of the conflict I see in churches today falls into a general category I call “Generational Issues”.  I don’t hold myself out as an expert in the social changes ushered in by each of the last few generations, but I think any of you would agree that the various generations represented in the American church today are radically different from one to the next in terms of how they communicate, how they form and maintain relationships, and how they worship.  Obviously, there are no clear, bright lines of division.  Moreover, there are plenty of obvious exceptions to the prevailing preferences of generations (i.e., not all senior citizens prefer traditional church music to contemporary, etc.).  But the youngest adult generations in the church are approaching God and the church so very differently than their grandparents did that it is bound to raise some difficult issues for us all to work through.

But the problem is never as simple as sitting down and figuring out who is right and who is wrong.  Oh how much easier my job would be if it were that simple!  No, the bigger challenge by far is getting each side of a generational issue to even care much about the other side.  The problem in many (most?) of our churches, it seems to me, is the lack of relationship between and among the generations.

I see it often.  A church begins to have serious worship style conflict, so they call someone (me) in to help them work through it.  When I ask one side to articulate the fears and motives of the other side, they cannot even come close.  They cannot do that, because they are not even trying to understand the fears and motives of the other side.  All they can see is the conduct, and they interpret that as “they just don’t care about us”.  But if I were to ask them if they are a friendly church, they would all agree, “Oh yes!  It’s nothing like that!  Of course we are friendly.  We don’t have any problems like that around here!”

You can see that, where there are no genuine relationships between generations in a church, as soon as an issue comes along that has generational overtones (like worship music), the lines will draw quickly and clearly.  It is not because the relationships are broken.  It is because the relationships were not there in the first place!

So, the challenge is this: how do we in the church create friendships across generational lines?  How can we be more intentional about service projects and ministry opportunities that have multiple generations working side by side?  How can we intentionally structure opportunities for mentoring relationships between our older folks and our younger folks?  How can we create an environment where generations are taking the time to learn one another’s “languages” and games and stories and struggles?

These are serious questions.  I would love to hear from you on this subject!  Would you use the comment feature below and tell me some creative ways your church has found to forge better relationships between generations?   Please!

© Blake Coffee

 

Permissions: You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this material in any format provided that you do not alter the wording in any way and do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction. For web posting, a link to this document on this website is preferred. Any exceptions to the above must be approved by Blake Coffee.

Please include the following statement on any distributed copy: © Blake Coffee. Website: churchwhisperer.com





Unity Through Diversity

9 11 2010

Tuesday Re-mix –

There is a public park in Luhans’k, Ukraine where my ministry has gone to work with churches in the past. The park is in a “forest”. It is a beautiful place. But there is something eerie about it. You can’t quite put your finger on it, but there is something about it which just doesn’t seem right. You feel like you are out in nature, but not really. Then you learn the story…the “park” is a man-made forest built by the Nazis. The trees are all lined up! Then it’s not eerie anymore…it’s just funny.

I had a long conversation with “Thomas”, a church leader whose church was blessed with a diversity of people. The topic of the conversation was worship styles, but the principle at issue was much larger than that. When confronted with the reality that a variety of preferred worship styles (I usually refer to them as “languages”) existed in his church, this leader sternly refused to use any other styles other than the one they currently used, the one they had been using for many decades. His premise was this: in our worship we must stay unified, with a common “language” or style, because the more homogenous we are, the stronger we are…diversity only weakens us. Hmmm. It flustered me a little, because it was an entirely new argument for me. I honestly never thought anyone could make an argument against diversity among God’s people. Frankly, pictures of a Nazi forest came to mind.

I have always seen our diversity as an incredible strength. It challenges us, to be sure. It is difficult at times, to be sure. But it stretches our understanding of God and of one another. It is that whole “you complete me” thing. I actually am energized being around people who are different from me, particularly when we are talking about Spiritual things.

I am no church historian (or any other kind of historian, for that matter), but I would be willing to bet there was a similar argument made when some in the Catholic church began to suggest that perhaps some of the mass could be conducted in the people’s native language rather than in Latin, since they could better understand it then. Surely there was an argument then that keeping the services in Latin was a “unifying” characteristic, one not to be lost.

I suppose “Thomas” also believes, then, that churches should be segregated into as many different cultural (and language) groups as possible, so that everyone can have the opportunity to worship with people with whom they have the most in common. That way, nobody has to deal with the hassle of being stretched to consider some facets of God other than those with which they are comfortable. Everybody can be lined up in nice clean rows, and it is much more “manageable” then. Nazi forest.

In reality, “Thomas’” vision for church is born out in churches all across the world every week. There are churches in every country where everyone looks the same, acts the same, and thinks the same. Indeed, there are some environments (spiritually abusive ones) where thinking differently isn’t even permitted, let alone encouraged. And many of these same churches seem to have very little conflict, because disagreement is either rare or is outright forbidden. They would call it “unity” and be proud of it. I would call it “uniformity” and be afraid of it.

You can read Paul’s letters to each of the New Testament churches from one to the next and it becomes very clear very quickly that diversity was actually a strength of the New Testament church. The early church was a confluence of cultures and languages and religious heritages. It was the Spirit of God which bound them all together in unity. It was definitely NOT that they were all alike in any other way at all. Why, then, do we work so hard today to stay all alike?

Unity among God’s people is all about our ability to see beyond the worldly exteriors and to find Christ in one another. When you and I are exactly alike and in agreement all the time, it makes it virtually impossible to know whether it is Christ I am finding in you, or just an amiable, comfortable version of myself. But in the midst of diversity, when I do not necessarily understand your culture or your exterior, but nonetheless I find qualities and characteristics in you which look and sound like my Savior, then we have found real unity. In the midst of diversity…indeed, perhaps because of diversity, we have unity.

So, I must disagree with “Thomas” and his vision for church. I don’t want the church he wants. I want one filled with different cultures and different looks and different preferences. I am not interested in uniformity. I am interested in unity, with all its difficulties.

© Blake Coffee

Permissions: You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this material in any format provided that you do not alter the wording in any way and do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction. For web posting, a link to this document on this website is preferred. Any exceptions to the above must be approved by Blake Coffee.

Please include the following statement on any distributed copy: © Blake Coffee. Website: churchwhisperer.com








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